Jimmy, Jimmy, let's talk.

It's not your service provider. You use the same ISP as me. And we're neighbors. And other than the time that dude attacked 'em with a sword the service has been solid.

The trouble, Jimmy, is your modem. You bought it from the Girl Scouts. It's a Girl Scout Modem, Jimmy. They were sellin' cookies and modems door to door, and you, my friend, made the wrong choice.

I'm not trying to begrudge the Girl Scouts anything. In fact, I'm pleased that the young girls of America are learning the technical skills that will benefit them as adults. Also, hopefully, many of them will grow up and buy webcams. But I digress.

My point is? Mint Thins, yes. Modems? No! Look Jimmy, your hardware came inside of a Caramel DeLites box, for the love of all that's holy. It smells like coconuts.

You and me, Jimmy, we're gonna march down to the mall and buy us a nice shiney new 56K modem, at least. Maybe you should get a cable modem. They sell the service from an ice cream truck now, you know.