Careful Career Maneuvering Will Allow Me to Continue Playing Asheron's Call All Day While the Paychecks Never Cease

So Dobbs came up to me and fought his way through the camoflague netting into my cubicle, giving me just enough time to minimize Asheron's call in order to look like I'm working. "I'm going to interview a new candidate for the Departmental Manager position down here," he said. "You wanna sit in on that?"

So right away, the gears started spinning. As you know, a vital part of my strategy guaranteeing that I can play Asheron's Call all day at work is to ensure that my primary role in this company is as the assistant to a position that currently isn't filled. So immediately I know what's gotta happen here; I gotta make sure that the poor dude coming in to interview goes down like a World War I sub. This guy's gonna be toast.

At the same time, my level 39 War Mage was recovering hit points near a Mattekar nest, and I didn't want to log out of the game and waste precious time, since according to my day planner I wanted to level up later today. So I set my pager to go off ten minutes into the interview. Ten minutes -- plenty enough time to make sure this interview goes down in flames, and still enough time to get back to my important work.

But things didn't go according to plan.

See, the "dude" interviewing was actually this blonde hottie from the University with a ponytail and a penguin. Right away Dobbs asked her, "So what experience do you have for this position?" And she looked like a deer in the headlights.

"I'm a part-time student at the University," she said. "Previously, I would go to class twice a week, and spend the rest of my time defending the flag room of our base. But then I had this moral crisis, what James Joyce would call an 'epiphany,' and I can't do it anymore. So I thought I'd get a job."

Dobbs was totally lost. "Defending the flag?" he asked.

"Yeah, defending our flag base from people who would attack it. Sometimes they used BFGs or grappling hooks. But I always had a rocket launcher and could hear them coming from any entrance." Her eyes got the glazed look of a woman possessed. Suddenly she jumped up and slammed her fists on the table. "I'D BEEN DEFENDING THAT FLAG SINCE THEY CANCELLED DIFFER'NT STROKES!"

At this point, my pager started beeping, but I turned it off. I was in love.

Dobbs, on the other hand, set down her resume and is about to shovel her out of there like gum from a shoe, but I practically jumped in front of the handshake to stop it. "This is exactly what we're looking for!" I said. See, from my perspective, someone anal enough play a computer game and defend a base nonstop for five days a week was clearly no threat to my career as a war mage. Furthermore, this woman is destined to be the mother of my children. "This is the type of person I want to have in charge of our servers," I explained. "Watch this!"

She was too terrified to move as I wheeled her chair into our humming, dimly lit server room. I hid behind a cardboard monitor box and pulled Dobbs down to the ground next to me. "You got dee!!" I shouted to our interviewee.

Immediately, her old instincts kicked in. She leapt up and slammed shut the back door with a spinning kung-fu kick, flinging the chair against it in a fluid motion. Then she grabbed a staple gun and creamed some poor dude on his way to the coffee machine.

We hired her on the spot.

Victim Pic Small

Love is a many splendored thing. Of course, so is my war mage, who as of this evening levelled up and acquired Life Magic. I am the man. The man. I let the dogs out. That's all I'm saying.

Score: 9.01; Total Votes: 3164 as of 2009-12-09.

Faster, Post-it Note! Kill! Kill!

The Zombies Cannot Possibly Kill Me When I'm This Wired on Jolt Cola

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