I'd like to respectfully suggest that last week's Victim cram it in an uncomfortable place.

Yes, I'm talking to this punk, the moron shedding tears over the closing of one tentacle of the massive Hasbro corporate oligarchy. So what! Wizards of the Coast stores are closing. Big deal:

Maybe -- and this is going to sound all kinds of crazy -- you should just clap your yapper and support your local hobby store, toadlick. We've been here all along.

I'm tournament master for "The Gaming Hole," down on the skeezy side of Poplar Street. We represent everything that a small game shop stands for!

We've got all the big board games, the mainstream stuff, as well as the stuff you can hardly find anymore like old modules for Advanced Squad Leader and a bunch of other discontinued stuff. Plus, we don't push one manufacturer's games over any other, because we're not owned by any deep-pocketed corporate scuzballs. If we were, we could afford to fix the roof so damp ceiling tiles wouldn't keep plummeting into our Normandy Diorama.

You should stop by sometime, so all of us can suddenly fall silent and stare awkwardly at the stranger. Then we'll comment aloud on every box you pick up until you leave.

Victim Pic Small

Look at this: That's right. It's a genuine 200-sided die. You can't get this anywhere else. It takes about five mintutes to stop rolling.

Score: 7.91; Total Votes: 1498 as of 2009-12-09.

Hell no! Nerds won't go! We won't let you close Wizards of the Coast!

No Haden, you're not allowed to play Mario Kart: Double Dash!! around the children. No, not because of the game, because of you.

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