When I found out that our Animal Crossing town had turned into a wasteland, I knew we had to take action. I blamed my roommate for cheating. Once he destroyed the local economy and put Nook out of business, I’m sure the place turned into a regular Flint, Michigan. And after that? Bartertown from the Mad Max movies.

Look guys, if we want to be serious about saving this town, we need to kick off Operation Animal Freedom. Check it, I ganked a map of the town layout from the remains of the police station. You two are the “Alpha Team,” Dennis and I will be the “Delta Team.”

After securing the railyard, we’ll be able to start shipping in humanitarian aid. Maybe some cherries or oranges. Then we’ll move south while alpha team moves west to secure the post office. Intel reports that Scoot the Duck might be encamped under a sheet of corrugated metal in the city dump, so use caution. Better yet, use your M4A1 and just pepper the place. He’s a duck. Probably tattooed. Better safe than sorry.

Alpha Team, after you lock down the post office keep your eyes open for Spike the Rhino. Just shoot him on sight -- he never DID return the Pikachu that Mitzi the Cat loaned him. Together the two teams will move into positions to take the shelled out remains of the museum simultaneously from the East and West strongpoints. Expect heavy resistance; I understand Blathers the Owl is hunkered down in there with an axe.

Is the plan clear? Okay, let’s do it! Hang on ... we can only log in one at a time. Well, that sucks. Screw it, I’m going back to playing Zelda.

[Daily Victim idea submitted by GameSpy reader Lachlan "Loweko" Atcliffe.]