Dude ... dude you’re crazy. Ever since you killed that wizard with a bag of rice during that online wedding, you’ve gone player-kill crazy.

Over the past few weeks I’ve watched you player-kill in Diablo. I’ve watched you player-kill in EverQuest. I’ve watched you mow people down in Asheron’s Call. Then I watched your obsessions grow, until you started acting like those player-kill creepos.

By the way, just for the record -- nobody really considers it “player-killing” when you frag someone in Quake. People just don’t think that way. Well, other people don’t think that way.

Now here, though, we need to draw the line. Because you can’t player-kill in The Sims Online. Oh ho, it’s true. Sims Online is player-kill free. No. No weapons. Can’t be done. No, they don’t drown when you remove the ladder for the pool. Nope. You can’t trap them between stoves and then set it on fire. Uh-unh. Oh, you can launch a rocket indoors and start a huge fire -- but nobody will die.

There there. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. No man! No, that’s not true. The little people on the screen are not mocking you with their very flesh and blood. Not at all. That little man is just making lawn gnomes. Everything’s gonna be fine, it’s all gonna be fine...

[Daily Victim idea submitted by GameSpy reader Ned Gilmore.]