It should’ve been the happiest day of my online character’s life. Lady Gloria Perfectteeth was to be wed in a beautiful mountaintop ceremony. I nearly wept tears of joy, even after the best man called the groom a “Smacktard.” But then during the ceremony somebody found out that in real life, I was a MAN. I mean, sure, say whatever you want about ME, but don’t hold that against Gloria! She’s a saint! Just look at her alignment!

Well, by now everyone’s heard about the burning and the looting that happened when the online wedding went south. Oh, how I sobbed into my pillow! Uh ... I mean, Gloria. GLORIA was sobbing into her pillow, being an emotional chick like that.

To add insult to injury, two days later I found her wedding ring up for sale on eBay! It was unmistakably the one from the wedding, being sold online. I bid a whopping $200 bucks on it, which was crazy ‘cuz it was just a common +5 ring of defense. But some other fool bought it for twice that much! What was he? An Idiot? Didn’t he know the ring was worthless but for sentimental value?

So I emailed him and asked what it would take for him to give me the ring. “Oh, I wouldn’t part with this for less than $1000,” he typed back. “The guy from eBay told me that this ring once belonged to Nicole Kidman. I have a handwritten note to prove it.”

WHAT!? He’d been duped into believing that ring belonged to a movie star? I hate people who misrepresent themselves over the net, and so does Lady Gloria, with her long soft silky red hair.

But I MUST get that ring back! Without it I’ll never stop crying myself to sleep at night! I mean ... Gloria ... Gloria will never ... C’mon man, it’s ROLEplaying. It’s cool.