My roommates and I take Animal Crossing very seriously. One time I chopped down my roomie’s coconut tree and he threatened to go on an axe-murder spree, which made by girlfriend Mary cry, because I think she’s got a thing goin’ for Hambo the pig.

Anyways, I don’t know what the deal was this weekend -- I think it was the tequila. Regardless, I decided to fire up the game at 1:30 in the morning. Of course nearly all the animals were asleep, except for that obnoxious Sheep chick. They weren’t waking up when I pounded on their doors. I found Dora the dormouse snoozing outside, so I tiptoed up to her and tried to push her over the waterfall, but she woke up and gave me such a tongue-lashing you’d think I was a piece of cheese.

After that I think I decided to drink a little more to calm my bruised ego. It starts getting pretty hazy from there. I vaguely remember running up behind animals, hitting them on the head with my net, and then running away. After that got boring, well... damn... I guess I must’ve hung a picture of a big crudely-drawn penis on my door. I didn’t really remember doing it until the next morning when Mary pointed it out to me.

I also hung a sign outside of Tom’s door that said “I LIEK SHEEPS.”

Wait, come to think of it ... Come to think of it, I wrote a letter to that hot little bunny chick that ... oh man ... oh God I hope she doesn’t show it to Mary.