[Part 1 of a 5-part Daily Victim special]

Hear me now, friends! What I'm proposing is a feat so incredible, so unimaginable, so undeniable that it'll make us rips of cash and propel us into game developer glory.

I call it ... DwarfSmack.

You see, the Neverwinter Nights toolset for creating RPG adventures is rich and flexible, but difficult to use. To date, the only fully fleshed-out scenario completed as planned was a cross-dressing sim by some creepy guy in Belgium. But I'm going to MAKE HISTORY! The field is wide open for someone to create a modification that'll redefine roleplay as we know it. A modification so cool that it spawns a life of its own. That's right. I'm aiming to be nothing less than the Counter-Strike of Neverwinter Nights.

How will I generate revenue, you ask? I didn't take that Business elective my Sophomore year of High School for nothing! I've done a little research and checked into this online payment company called PayDar. If people like my scenario, they can just log into PayDar to drop us a $10 DwarfSmack donation. It may not make us a fortune, but it should be enough money to buy all the D&D sourcebooks we'll ever need.

Of course, to make my master plan materialize, I'll need more than just my incredible idea (no spoilers, but let's just say it's got Dwarves, Guns, Teargas, Parachutes, and a fully-integrated Lemonade Stand simulation). No, I'll need the talent to make the dream come alive. That's why I've canvassed my neighborhood for the most balls-out, whacked-up, juiced-out artist and programmer I can find. This development team is invincible. Lemme tell you about who we got here...

The secret to my artistic success lies in the subtle science of drawing only the absolute minimum amount of clothing on any Elven chick.
You take your average Elven chick, right? That's good, that's a good start. Now, then you gotta figure out your options. Something like see-through chainmail. Mind you, some artists settle, but I never stop. Ask yourself: Does that bikini-top absolutely need that strap to stay attached? My answer? Not when the chick's got Magic. Of course a well-placed leaf can make entire bits of clothing utterly optional. I'm the man who invented the one-cup strapless spider-silk bikini top, ain't nobody gonna take that away from me. Art like that has strange effects on people, don't ask me why.

The current Neverwinter artificial intelligence is but a yapping addle-headed shadow of its ultimate potential
When I was approached to be the lead scripting and AI coder for this incorrigible "DwarfSmack" project, at first I balked. But Dave, the ringleader, promised me an unfettered development environment and a financial opportunity too good to pass up. To date my scripting experiments have been precluded, time and again, by plebian reprobates asking that I not take up ten machines at once in the campus computer labs. Can't their infantile brains see when something is bigger than them?

Neverwinter's characters, like you and I, react in predetermined ways to a set of variables from their environment -- to date these variables have been limited to trifles such as swords and monsters. What if we expanded the scope of their activities with relational databases and the ability to adjust behaviors based on learned experiences? What then? Late last night, as I pondered a perplexing issue of designing a script capable of self-modification, one of the little NPCs in the game I had been working on looked up at me and said: "Father?"

My work here has only begun. Let us bring on this ... "DwarfSmack."

[To be continued!]