Oh, there you are. Yes, yes, still looking for a comic illustrator. Haven't slept for days. How did this "artist search" get dumped on me, exactly? Just because I was drawn with a clipboard. My search began last week and shows no sign of slowing down. Before you apply, might I offer some helpful advice.

The following artistic subjects are what I would consider "taboo:"

• Vaseline
• Tentacles
• Bared buttocks
• Anything red and itching

On the other hand, THIS was immensely hysterical.

Actually there have been some moments of sublime beauty that I've witnessed these last couple of days. One gentlemen from Philadelphia sent me an image that, I swear, made my monitor actually hum with soft beauty. I stared at the image, slackjawed, for ten full minutes. Motionless. Each and every line and curve was executed with such subtle delicacy that, alone, radiated beauty. In the context of the whole image, it was transcendant. With quavering hand I reached for the phone. "Can you draw an image that good every day of the week?" I asked.

"Every DAY!?" he replied. "That was my LIFE'S WORK you ungrateful bastard! My life's work!!" Promptly, he died.

Which places me back to the drawing board ... which is sadly empty. If you've got comic pen and ink illustration skills, enjoy games, love good writing and making people laugh, mail Fargo! Send a link to your online portfolio. He'll dump the whole deal onto me, where I will weep and drench your work with long, choking sobs. Thank you.