The astute among you will note that I'm still here, with a larger clipboard and an even larger chip on my shoulder. That's right. The search for a new artist continues. I'd like to offer some words of advice having looked over the first batch of applicants:

1. If I need to verify that I am over 18 in order to view your portfolio, which costs $3.95 for unlimited axxxcess, chances are you are overqualified for this position.

2. If you paint in oils, and each of your masterpieces takes a year to create, you may be unsuitable for illustrating a daily feature.

3. MSPaint is indeed a versitile tool, but it is often the hallmark of someone who has yet to reach his or her artistic prime. Which reminds me:

4. Arms and legs, represented as sticks, lack the 'depth' we look for in Daily Victim characters.

5. While we appreciate the effort, you need not apply if you can only draw ninjas. We gave some serious consideration to an "all-ninja" Daily Victim feature, and decided that it would only serve as a pale imitation of Big Trouble in Little China, but without Kurt Russel's riveting performance to carry it to greatness. Thanks, but no thanks.

That being said, Keep those submissions coming! Simply send in a link to your online portfolio. Many of the submissions so far have not made me weep, and I mean that.