I'm serious guys. We're all in this fraternity together, and that means we share beer, we share chicks, and we share Bryan's PS2 (whether he likes it or not.) But I woke up this morning, er, maybe more correctly 'this afternoon,' and I discovered that somebody -- a fellow Theta Chi no less -- VIOLATED me. My PS2 memory card is gone. The orange one, helpfully labelled "Scooter Shizzat?" GONE!

Far be it from me to accuse my brothers of something so treacherous, but I can't help but think that this is related to this weekend's massive campus-wide Gran Turismo 3 tourney. I'm on a crusade to dominate this racing game. As you know, I've spent the last two weeks cutting Schwartz's Calc 2 class in order that I can play simulation mode uninterrupted here, and in that time I've managed to tweak up my lime-green Honda Del Sol to the point where it leaves twin streaks of flame on the starting line, Back-to-the-Future style. I plan not only to go all the way, but to look good doing it, in convertable comfort. Now, my memory card, my Del Sol, and my chance to go all the way with both the tourney and Susie French are all missing, and it had to be one of your guys.

What's the matter? Can't take the heat? Was it you, Nards? Howabout you Flattop? Skidz? Wetbed? Beemer? Wanker? Chango? C'mon guys, own up! You don't want those rich turds from pre-law or that freaky dude in the VW bus to win the tourney, do you? You leave me no choice. I'll have to order up a full-on pants-drop so the search can begin. You hear me? OWN UP OR DROP TROU! Hey -- HEY, you pulled that fire alarm on purpose! Come back here! I'm telling you, I'm gonna find that card!

[Gran Turismo 3 Week begins at the Daily Victim! One week of hardcore racing, backstabbing, and smack talk culminating in the big tournament this weekend. Which victim will win? Stop by all week to vote.]