I suspected that something was up when I saw the muddy footprints leading into my study. See, Mr. Network Cable, this blue cord here? He belongs snug inside of Mr. DSL Modem. He is happy at home where it is safe and warm. He doesn't like it when children take him outside and tie him to the handlebars of the Razer Scooter to pull it out of a mud puddle. Especially when, afterwards, he remains tied to said scooter while you ride all the way home on the dirt trail next to the train tracks.

See here, this box with all the blinking green lights? The one you saw fit to hang from the Christmas tree last year causing Daddy to suspend your cookie privlidges for a month? That's Mr. DSL Modem, and he hates to be stuffed with a muddy, disgusting, leaf-encrusted network cable. It makes his happy green lights turn red. When Daddy comes home and tries to play EverQuest then, do you know what else turns red? That's right. THE BULGING VEINS ON THE SIDE OF DADDY'S NECK.

Let me put it another way. Mr. DSL Modem is filled with POISONOUS GAS, and only Mr. Network Cable can stop it from all leaking out. The only known cure for the terrible gas is to chop off your heads and feed them vegetables for a whole week. That's right. The choice is yours. You either leave Mr. Network Cable alone, OR, you'll spend the rest of the month as a severed head in a jar full of broccoli.