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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted; The most beloved victims will return in a full-color feature and ongoing story each week.
 
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12/7/2000
I CAN SUM UP YOUR INTERNET PROBLEMS IN THREE WORDS MY FRIEND: GIRL SCOUT MODEM.


Jimmy, Jimmy, let's talk.

It's not your service provider. You use the same ISP as me. And we're neighbors. And other than the time that dude attacked 'em with a sword the service has been solid.

The trouble, Jimmy, is your modem. You bought it from the Girl Scouts. It's a Girl Scout Modem, Jimmy. They were sellin' cookies and modems door to door, and you, my friend, made the wrong choice.

I'm not trying to begrudge the Girl Scouts anything. In fact, I'm pleased that the young girls of America are learning the technical skills that will benefit them as adults. Also, hopefully, many of them will grow up and buy webcams. But I digress.

My point is? Mint Thins, yes. Modems? No! Look Jimmy, your hardware came inside of a Caramel DeLites box, for the love of all that's holy. It smells like coconuts.

You and me, Jimmy, we're gonna march down to the mall and buy us a nice shiney new 56K modem, at least. Maybe you should get a cable modem. They sell the service from an ice cream truck now, you know.

 

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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to the millions of fine people who populate Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted. The most beloved victims will return in our full-color feature and continuing story each week.
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