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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted; The most beloved victims will return in a full-color feature and ongoing story each week.
 
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9/26/2003
YOU TELL THE CAPTAIN OF THIS PLANE THAT MY GAMEBOY IS ALMOST OUT OF BATTERIES! NOW MUSH!


Look at this flickering red battery light, it's like it's about to wink out here and now. And where are we? Still another 20 minutes from approach? We should be approaching! You go up there and tell that stupid Captain to make with the approachation! Either that, or hook me up with some double-A's, PRONTO, because this beeyotch is about to go down and when it does I'm taking this whole plane with me! Don't you see I'm in the middle of an extremely tense Final Fantasy Tactics battle? That's right, you go tell the other "hostesses."

[Frantically hits the "call" button over and over]

Hello? Does the Captain have any updates for me or Rene the Moogle Knight? My music is starting to stutter. NO, I DON'T WANT A SEDATIVE. Well, okay, maybe a couple. And get me one of those tiny pillows. Things are getting really serious here.

[Jams on the "call" button again and again]

What did the captain just mean "headwind?" Are headwinds good or bad? When I look down out the windows I see little dots. I should see big dots. Or a tarmac. I just see little dots. And now clouds. Are we in the clouds? Clouds aren't the ground! This Game Boy is gonna be TOAST any moment! Did you explain that to the captain? Did you tell him about the little red battery light? About how it's almost out? Did you?

I DON'T WANT A PEANUT.

 

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