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8/19/2002
THE TOP-OF-THE-LINE PC I ORDERED WAS OBSOLETE BEFORE I FINISHED ENTERING MY CREDIT CARD NUMBER
I decided to order my new gaming PC online because I could get up-to-the-minute parts. I went to my favorite vendor and started building the best possible PC via a series of drop down menus. Every time I clicked on the button labeled "refresh price," new components were available.
Finally I had set up a PC that I thought was pretty good and when I clicked submit, it popped up a dialog box that said, "New special offer! Save 10% on antique systems such as yours!"
When I finished entering my billing data, the website explained to me that it'll take two weeks to build and deliver my system. Two weeks!? What if someone released a game with 'cutting edge' technology during that time? My system would only be capable of playing last month's games!
My PC finally arrived in a box labeled "Derelict." When I opened it there was a letter inside warning me that by plugging in my machine and booting it up, I would make it less valuable for collectors who specialized in old hardware from days gone by.
When I ordered the machine it came bundled with "Windows MC," a rare breed of the Windows operating system that was popular during the weekend when I bought it but has since be shunned by Microsoft. When I turned on the machine, a dialogue popped up that said "Warning: System incapable of playing Star Wars Galaxies when it comes out." Then I hit the "auto-update" button and a message appeared that said "Your system is no longer supported and must be destroyed before contaminating the Internet." I went to turn it off and it said "unable to shut down pending state historical landmark status."
I would show it to you, but some restoration specialists stopped by and are looking into how to best preserve my machine for future generations to admire.
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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to the millions of fine people who populate Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted. The most beloved victims will return in our full-color feature and continuing story each week.
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