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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted; The most beloved victims will return in a full-color feature and ongoing story each week.
 
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11/5/2003
NOW THAT THERE'S A CHILD IN THE HOUSE, I'M ONLY PERMITTED TO PLAY DISNEY'S EXTREME SKATE ADVENTURE


No, my wife is very clear on the point. So long as the baby is watching, I'm not to be playing any violent video games. And I can understand that, really. But the thing is ... The Baby is Always Watching. It's like I'm the most interesting thing in the house, so long as I'm holding a PlayStation controller.

So now the only thing I'm allowed to play is Disney Skate Adventure. It's a nightmare. I shouldn't say that -- at first it was enjoyable. I mean, you can't go wrong with Tarzan pulling in some sick air. It's actually a fun little game. Lemme tell you something else: Woody from Toy Story can completely WRECK it with the quickness. I know, I know, but give me some credit, it's all I'm allowed to play.

Of COURSE it gets on my nerves. I mean ... I want to turn on some kind of "blood mode" or something. Can you imagine what it's like to have a hardcore craving for some monstrous SOCOM: Navy Seals action, only to have to make do with Simba the lion cub grinding the Pizza Planet sign? I just ... start ... twitching. Can't they just hook up Pumbaa and Timon with rocket launchers or something? I think I saw that in the movie. What about Zurg? Couldn't they at least give him a blaster? It's a DISNEY game! Why can't I kick Goofy in the balls?

Wait ... hold on a second ... it looks like she's asleep. The baby's asleep! Maybe I can fire up some Navy Seal action -- wait -- uh -- oh NO now she's lookin' at me. SON OF A ... you know.

[Victim trails off amidst the happy sounds of a Disney game, intermixed with sobbing.]

 

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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to the millions of fine people who populate Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted. The most beloved victims will return in our full-color feature and continuing story each week.
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