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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted; The most beloved victims will return in a full-color feature and ongoing story each week.
 
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1/3/2003
I HAVE AN URGENT DECISION TO UNDERTAKE WITH REGARDS TO MARIO PARTY AND THE MATTRESS OUTSIDE


Wow, I really got to think this through. Today’s the last day of my school vacation. Come Monday, I’m back in Mrs. Brinkley’s room, trying not to let her notice I’m doodling mushrooms on the side of my notebook.

By all rights, today’s the day I should be at Geoff’s house, playing with the copy of Mario Party 4 he got for Christmas, screaming things like “crap on a stick” because his mom doesn’t like us to swear in front of his little sister, even though she plays as the Princess and always lucks out ‘cuz she’s a baby. And a jerk. But wait, that’s not what we’re talking about.

What we’re talking about is the fact that it’s almost seventy degrees out there even though it’s January, probably the nicest weather we’re gonna have in weeks. To top it off, Tim and Sarge the Puppy found an old mattress out behind those apartments on Spring Street. He and Brian -- little Brian, not big Brian -- drug it to his back yard and put his skateboard ramp out in front of it, and now they’re running up the ramp and then jumping onto the mattress.

That is so badass.

So anyways, what are we gonna do dude? We got Mario Party over here, or jumping on to a mattress from a skateboard ramp. Even Kip and those kids who started the Mall riot are there. And look at what Tim’s doing -- he’s freestyling onto the mattress. Whoa, did he just grab his ankles on the way down? That was Sweet Ass Sweet!

On the other hand, I could be wailing away at Geoff and his stupid sister with a big monkey.

Dude it’s decisions like these that define our young lives. You know what? That first leap onto the mattress, man, that could be my first step towards a promising career. I got my future to think about, dude. Yeah ... yeah, that’s right. Hold my shoes, I’m hitting the mattress.

 

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