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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted; The most beloved victims will return in a full-color feature and ongoing story each week.
 
A FAREWELL MESSAGE FROM FARGO

The Daily Victim will no longer be updated. A big thank you to all of my readers throughout the years! Please enjoy the archives, and be sure to Read a Personal Farewell Message from Fargo!

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5/3/2001
I PUT THE 'OW' IN 'LOW PING'


That's right, citizens, I have a fiber-optic cable linking my machine to the server that it rests on top of. Step aside, step aside, latent ones! Now, it has come to my attention that foul-intentioned individuals have taken our flag. I don't appreciate that kind of behavior and I certainly won't go out of my way to tolerate it on a server on which I contain nearly Godlike powers.

Watch and grovel before me as I rail the opposition out of mid air. I only killed him alone because he happened to have the flag -- normally I conserve my ammo and wait until two or more opponents are lined up in a row before firing, killing them all simultaneously.

I will now jump and snag the flag as it falls from mid-air. For you modeming mortals this would take split-second timing, but for me, the entire server feels like the slow-motion shots of the Matrix movie.

Note that as I return the flag, my ping sometimes actually drops into negative numbers. That's right. The server often fires my gun BEFORE I even push the mouse button. Behold. Sometimes, merely by walking into a room, everyone on the other team spontaneously dies. You might think that's unfair, but I merely call it superior server-side prediction code.

Well, latent citizens, my work here is done. Call me again should you need me, although, by the time I recieve your pathetically slow missive, I'll probably have already have solved the problem. Farewell!

 

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