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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted; The most beloved victims will return in a full-color feature and ongoing story each week.
 
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10/25/2000
THE PS2 WILL HAVE UNBRIDLED MASTURBATORY CAPABILITIES


Hello friend.

You've no doubt noticed that extra spring in my step between class periods. Huzzah! My hormones can hardly restrain themselves.

Recall, if you will, the days of 8-bit and 16-bit videogame systems. Those pixellated blobs on the screen did nothing for me -- I had to make do with pictures on the front of the manual, or the cheat pages of Nintendo Power magazine.

By the time Tomb Raider came out, I thought technology had reached its apex. Small wonder I never got past the first level, with so many corners to back Lara Croft into!

But have you heard, friend, what those crazy Japanese people are up to next? The PlayStation 2! It has some kind of "emotion engine" or something. I don't know what it means, but I saw screenshots of creamy thighs and all I can say is, "Humdinger!"

I hope to get one as quickly as possible, removing entirely my need for human contact. Ciao!

 

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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to the millions of fine people who populate Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted. The most beloved victims will return in our full-color feature and continuing story each week.
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