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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted; The most beloved victims will return in a full-color feature and ongoing story each week.
 
A FAREWELL MESSAGE FROM FARGO

The Daily Victim will no longer be updated. A big thank you to all of my readers throughout the years! Please enjoy the archives, and be sure to Read a Personal Farewell Message from Fargo!

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4/23/2002
YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT MY OPTIMAL AGE OF EMPIRES DEVELOPMENT PATH!


No amount of tactics, strategy, or forward-thinking will save you. Why? Because over the past year and a half I've gamed that game to death. I've calculated the creation time of each individual unit. I've determined the exact harvesting rate of every peasant -- even my favorites, the Chinese. Using an Excel spreadsheet of my own top-secret design, with the help of the cartoon kitty office assistant, I've determined the ultimate formula for developing an empire. I know exactly when to produce villagers and what to have them do, taking into account over 100 variations of starting positions. I know what units to produce, when, and where, in order to advance to the next age as fast as it is humanly possible to advance. Nay, as fast as mechanically possible -- my organizational feats can be rivaled by neither flesh nor machine!

Thanks to my optimal development path, I'm able to pour knights through your gates like water, usually before you've even left the dark ages. Oh, you don't like it? What do you mean you'd rather play "strategically?" Strategy is the last refuge of those who can't click a mouse fast enough.

 

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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to the millions of fine people who populate Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted. The most beloved victims will return in our full-color feature and continuing story each week.
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