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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted; The most beloved victims will return in a full-color feature and ongoing story each week.
 
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4/15/2002
GLOBAL OPERATIONS’ INTEL CHARACTER CLASS ALLOWS ME TO FULFILL AT LONG LAST MY NATURAL INCLINATION TO COMMAND


That's right, prior to Global Operations, these first-person shooting games required natural-born "Kommandants" like myself to be right up on the front lines like the enlisted men. This was a problem because handling a weapon requires the so-called "skillz" that men of rank like myself don't possess. And you know, half those games don't let you type to the other players once you die. How was I supposed to command the men in that condition?

But Global Ops is a different story. I can sign up for the "Intel" class and demonstrate my natural leadership skillz. I get a map, and all my little men -- most of which I consider disposable for the cause -- are shown as little arrows. Like any good leader, I can click on them and them tell them what to do. Watch:

"Shoot that guy! You! Run up and shoot that other guy! Now -- you! You, go and ... shoot ... that guy! What are you doing? Are you guys not shooting ... the guys? Okay, fine. You! Shoot! The Guy! Aw crap."

 

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