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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted; The most beloved victims will return in a full-color feature and ongoing story each week.
 
A FAREWELL MESSAGE FROM FARGO

The Daily Victim will no longer be updated. A big thank you to all of my readers throughout the years! Please enjoy the archives, and be sure to Read a Personal Farewell Message from Fargo!

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3/20/2001
BACK OFF! I HAVE A STAPLER!


You'd best be all backing slowly up and puttin' down the chairs and golf clubs, right? 'Cuz this baby is a Swingline, and I've shot a staple a good thirty feet with this puppy. So ... we're going to chill, am I right?

I can see you were all a little upset with my latest cost-saving measure, but have you seen the papers lately? That's right, everyone's going out of business. And small companies like ours just can't afford all those luxuries, particularly the Internet.

[There's a rush of bodies and the sound of a stapler firing -- people drop to the floor, howling...]

BACK OFF! BACK OFF or I'll plug another! All I did was terminate our office dual-T1 connection. We still have Internet, just not broadband. Two 56K modems should be plenty of bandwidth for a 200-person Internet consultation firm.

None of you jackasses even noticed the change until this afternoon at 5:00 when you all tried to fire up your nightly Tribes games! Ha ha ha -- WHOA

[Transcript dissolves into sound of furniture flying, staples slamming into drywall, the trample of footsteps, screaming and mayhem.]

 

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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to the millions of fine people who populate Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted. The most beloved victims will return in our full-color feature and continuing story each week.
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