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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted; The most beloved victims will return in a full-color feature and ongoing story each week.
 
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8/22/2002
LOOK DAMMIT, THIS IS YOUR THIRD AND LAST TANK, HERR KOMMANDANT.


Yah yah, heil heil and all that, listen up. I’ve been an engineer in this army since the first World War, and not since we drove around in cardboard boxes have I seen tanks driven as lousy as your epileptic maneuvering. This is a Panzer, man. My BABY. Don’t you know how to drive tanks in Battlefield 1942?

Don’t lie to me about hidden enemy anti-tank campers. I saw what happened to the last tank I gave you. You tried to drive it into a plane. An airborne plane. By driving off of a cliff.

In fact, lemme give you just a general piece of advice: Whenever you have to parachute out of a tank? You’re driving it wrong.

And what about the tank before that? The one you were busy backing toward the anti-aircraft gun?

Or the one before that, the one you tried to “rocket jump” with?

Look here, Kommandant. You’re acting like tanks just grow on flagpoles around here! Well, they – yeah, okay, so maybe they do. But still, you should – hey, come back here! Come back! Look you’ll – oh for crying out crap -- YOU CAN’T RAM A DESTROYER. *sigh*

 

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