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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted; The most beloved victims will return in a full-color feature and ongoing story each week.
 
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9/17/2003
PHYSICS, MAN. IT'S NEVER TOO EARLY TO PREPARE FOR THE PHYSICS.


I'm talking about Half-Life 2. I know the release date isn't even close, but it's never too early to prepare yourself for a game where objects will react and interact with one another with force and velocity. PHYSICS, my friend. It's all about the PHYSICS.

Take a look at my diagrams here. The weight and mass of the objects was roughly calculated by watching the Half-Life 2 Movie over and over again. Obviously, the trajectory equations were all based off of Newton's laws.

As you can see, the day the game comes out, I plan on dropping this front half of a demolished car onto a two-by-four balanced across this overturned barrel. I, of course, will be standing on the other half of the plank. I figure I can reach a height of over 200 meters.

Now, in this chart here, I've taken an overturned metal table and rigged explosives onto the underside, set off by this tripwire here. Because of the force generated and the nearby wall here, I believe I can rocket this table down an enclosed hallway at about 30 meters/second. Let's see what the combine thinks of THAT!

Of course, what would really help me is if I could attach ropes to things. If so, as you can see by my final chart, I could build a trebuchet capable of launching a soda machine with enough force to plow through 12 inches of concrete.

Not to fear, though. This, and more, will be possible once I code and release my McGuyver mod. Also, Gordon will have a mullet.


[Daily Victim idea submitted by GameSpy reader Zeke Ogburn, who also brainstormed most of the booby-traps. By the way, keep checking PlanetHalfLife for HL2 news!]

 

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The Daily Victim is GameSpy's daily tribute to the millions of fine people who populate Internet culture. Every weekday a new victim is posted. The most beloved victims will return in our full-color feature and continuing story each week.
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