No, my wife is very clear on the point. So long as the baby is watching, I'm not to be playing any violent video games. And I can understand that, really. But the thing is ... The Baby is Always Watching. It's like I'm the most interesting thing in the house, so long as I'm holding a PlayStation controller.

So now the only thing I'm allowed to play is Disney Skate Adventure. It's a nightmare. I shouldn't say that -- at first it was enjoyable. I mean, you can't go wrong with Tarzan pulling in some sick air. It's actually a fun little game. Lemme tell you something else: Woody from Toy Story can completely WRECK it with the quickness. I know, I know, but give me some credit, it's all I'm allowed to play.

Of COURSE it gets on my nerves. I mean ... I want to turn on some kind of "blood mode" or something. Can you imagine what it's like to have a hardcore craving for some monstrous SOCOM: Navy Seals action, only to have to make do with Simba the lion cub grinding the Pizza Planet sign? I just ... start ... twitching. Can't they just hook up Pumbaa and Timon with rocket launchers or something? I think I saw that in the movie. What about Zurg? Couldn't they at least give him a blaster? It's a DISNEY game! Why can't I kick Goofy in the balls?

Wait ... hold on a second ... it looks like she's asleep. The baby's asleep! Maybe I can fire up some Navy Seal action -- wait -- uh -- oh NO now she's lookin' at me. SON OF A ... you know.

[Victim trails off amidst the happy sounds of a Disney game, intermixed with sobbing.]