Gentlemen, if you please. Remove your network cables for a moment of Internet silence in honor of our dear friend Dave.

As you may have already heard, Dave here -- the man holding his head in his hands in the corner -- attempted to download the Call of Duty demo this weekend over the University's connection. As you well know, the IT department enforces a strict 5-gig weekly upload/download limit on all student computers using the dorm room connections.

Dave woke up yesterday morning to discover that he was ... yes ... 1.5-gigs over the limit. Did he misjudge the size of the Call of Duty demo? Was there an unexpected traffic spike? Was his web browser secretly refreshing popups? Or is it because he inadvertently left a file called brittney.mpg in his Kazaa shared directory? We will never know, because Dave gets choked up when he talks about it.

That very morning he got the sternest of reaming from the IT department, and they shut off his access to the University T1 for one week. For the next seven days, Dave has only a 56K modem. Now, you'll see that Dave is not outright sobbing, but note that his pupils refuse to dilate. Dave, man, we're really sorry. No PlanetSide online. No Wolfenstein Enemy Territory. Even your email loads slowly.

Gentlemen, please. Remove your Cat5 cables -- we will have a moment of network silence. Okay, plug 'em back in. Time to play some Desert Combat! Wooo WOOOO!! (Sorry Dave.)

[Daily Victim idea submitted by GameSpy reader Drew Ungberg, based on a TRUE story. His friend is still suffering.]

Victim Pic Small

Dave is desperately seeking a job at the University IT department...

Score: 8.48; Total Votes: 1903 as of 2009-12-09.

My Contra-Honed Reflexes can defeat your piddly game in mere hours!

Mr. Pembleton's last will and testament clearly establishes this trust fund for his favorite MMOG character.

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