Charlie, Charlie, okay, let's take a moment here between rounds, right? We're at a LAN party. Space is tight. We gotta sit next to each other. That's okay, 'cuz, we're on the same team. But, the screaming, it's gotta stop.

This is COUNTER-STRIKE. Of COURSE there are going to be snipers! There's ALWAYS a sniper! It's a game of CAMPING and SNIPING.

For God's sake, every time the round starts, you hear a gunshot and yell "SNIPER!" so loud I end up spazzing and shooting off my AK like a firehose. I've already killed six teammates. In fact, you know what would be helpful? Maybe you could shout out if there WASN'T a sniper on the level. That would be a friggin' miracle. I'd probably have a heart attack and die. You would be like, "No Sniper!" and then I'd FREAK. I'd flip out. I'd put a bullet in my own head to end the tension.

But if you decide to scream "Sniper" at the top of your lungs into my ear one more time, WHAMMO. They're gonna call you "Lipless Charlie." You're just gonna have a hole in your face mumbling, "I maw a miper," and I'm not gonna have any pity on you. You know what I'm gonna have? Your lips for breakfast. A delicious nutritious lipfast.

I'm serious, Charlie. About the lips.