My 6-month plan to get my hot girlfriend into Cosplay has colossally backfired.

No man, you're just as much to blame as I am. Last December when I concocted that fool-proof 32-step plan to get my hot girlfriend into Cosplay, you helped me out with steps 18-21 as well as 27, 29, and 30. You share the responsibility for this!

I thought Cosplay would rock, you know, adults who dress up as anime characters. Especially hot chicks. Dressing up as hot chick anime characters, like Kasumi from Dead or Alive 3. And for a while it was great. She was the spitting image of Kasumi, costume, hair, and all. At AnimeCon '03, the whole cast of Kingdom Hearts fell to their knees at the mere sight of her. One kid got a nosebleed on the spot.

She was like a half-inch-of-fabric away from being R-rated. It was jiggletastic. She won awards. I think it went to her head.

Since then she's let her hair grow down past her butt, and last month she dyed it purple. All of her clothes have poofy sleeves. She carries a fan around so that no matter where she's standing her hair blows in the wind.

She wears little kitty ears to the movies, man.

It went too far for me last week when I came home and she greeted me from the balcony wearing a poofy schoolgirl uniform. She yelled "Konnichiwa!" and dropped a bicycle on my head. Then she showed me the battle droid she's building and pelted me with cards.

I need help, man.

I've developed a 32-step plan to wean my hot girlfriend off of this whole Anime thing. Now, as you can see from this Excel spreadsheet...

Victim Pic Small

...hey, come back! I haven't even gotten to step 12, 'accidently' breaking her Hello Kitty hairdryer! Come on!

Score: 8.49; Total Votes: 2542 as of 2009-12-09.

Ubisoft's new logo is driving icicles of pure thought directly into my unwilling BRAIN.

What hideous depraved intelligence is concocting such a grotesque perversion of Starcraft strategy, and why is it working?

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