Look at me! I'm 21 now! I'm a college student who does important college things, not all of which involve being held upside down over a keg. And for these things I need an Alienware PC! One of those big ones, in a case that looks like a soda machine and sounds like a hairdryer! I need one of those big muthas with 64 USB ports and a graphics card that has to have its own power cord!

I think I'm being reasonable. It's not like I asked for drugs. Or guns. Not like my 12th birthday. I'm more mature now, more settled into my life, older, wiser ... able to buy my own cigarettes ... and I need that PC!

C'mon. You and mom split up. Now you're both seeing other women. With so many parents, you think ONE of you would kick down with the PC! A big one, with a custom case that looks like the neon-drenched concession stand of a movie theater. Complete with a popcorn popper.

I don't think that's unreasonable. It's not like I'm asking for an automatic pistol or my own crystal meth lab. It's not like I'm asking for prostitutes -- not like my 18th birthday. I just want a PC that disrupts the ionosphere whenever I turn it on. IS THAT SO UNREASONABLE?

[Daily Victim idea submitted by GameSpy reader Adam. Adam, the with no last name. So, like, if your name is Adam, you can point at this paragraph and tell all your friends that it was you. Nice work.]