Avast, ye sea doggies! Hand yer captain a manual or something!

Ahoy! There be ... something! Up ahead! I don't know what it is, is there any way to zoom? No? Yes? Does this manual have an index?

Yaarrrghh! That was ... cannon? Did we just get hit by a cannonball? Did that ship shoot us? I can't tell. And those things up ahead, I'm pretty sure they're rocks. Now it's raining. I can't say for sure, but as far as I can tell, we're getting attacked by pirates in the middle of a thunderstorm and we're headed right at something that looks just like sharp, sharp rocks.

Keep your eye on the situation while I frantically flip through the stupid manual. I would like to accomplish the bold seaman's maneuver known as "steering," but I don't know what I'm doing. Do I use the mouse? Do I press some keys? Dammit, why did they have to make Pirates of the Caribbean so complicated!? Johnny Depp never had to look at the manual!

Of course it doesn't help that my pirate parrot keeps making zombie noises.

Wait! A cannonball just took out the main mast. I'm no nautical expert, but I'm fairly certain that's a bad thing. So is this fire. And the bodies. But at least my ship has slowed its inevitable rendezvous with the rocks.

Hang on, why is the water level rising all around my ship? Is the tide coming in? Maybe the nice men boarding my ship with those muskets and swords are here to help me bail out some of this water.

[Daily victim idea based on the true experiences of reader Amanda McKitterick. Submit your own!]

Victim Pic Small

"Ahoy there! I seem to have been shot, kind sir! Do you have some sort of band-aid?" Hmm, he must not see me waving at him because he's got a patch over his eye.

Score: 7.73; Total Votes: 1793 as of 2009-12-09.

I clubbed a sales clerk unconscious and I'll do the same to you!

I'd love to help you fend of the Empire's invasion, but it's past my bedtime.

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