You're paying for my fansite to come out and preview your new game? Me and my 20 friends are SO there!

Yeah, that's right, I run! I've been covering your massively multiplayer online game for - how long has it been out? Five years? Then I've been covering it for seven. So give me one of those "press" badges and step aside! You want me to preview the sequel, and by "preview" you and I both know you mean "chow down on the free food."

Will you LOOK at the size of this buffet? I mean, you guys put the "buffs" in "Buffet." I guess I haven't given you seven years of free publicity for nothing. Is that turkey? Can I just rip off the whole leg? Dibs!

And what's this - a bar!? An open bar? I like your new game already! Hook me up. Whoa, but wait. Is that ... that's STEAK. Oh baby. Nothing kicks off a night of binge drinking like a juicy steak.

What time are we seeing the game? Not for another three hours? Oh man, I'm gonna be mopping the floor with my face by then. Afterwards I'm gonna wrap myself in one of the hotel sheets and jump into the pool from my room on the second floor.

What? The game? Oh yah, I'm sure it'll be cool and all, but before I see it, I just had one question for the developers:

If I ate all that stuff from my hotel room mini-bar, does that come from my tab or yours? 'Cuz those are some expensive peanuts, but they tasted just the same as regular ones. Pass the vodka!

Victim Pic Small

Do I smell lobster? Kick down!

Score: 7.43; Total Votes: 2033 as of 2009-12-09.

My new phone service has unlimited instant text messaging! It will usher in a new era of open communication!

Battlefield 1942 Scientific Journal for August 26th, 2003

Back To Index