Your "Amish Friendship Bread" confounds and enrages me!

I was stunned to discover that it's not actually "bread" at all, but a bag of dough! And this dough comes with instructions, a complicated week-long ordeal that includes such directives as the following:

"Day 3: Moosh dough. Set aside."

I tell you, I'm a gamer! This is all too complicated for me. If a meal can't be prepared in between rounds of Medal of Honor Allied Assault: Spearhead, then it's of no use to me.

I don't care if this particular Friendship Bread has been passed lovingly from person to person for over eight generations! A true friend would've simply baked the bread for me. Now, step aside -- I'm pouring some frozen peas into a pot of water and raw Ramen noodles to create tonight's dinner. Away with you!