A lot of people mock me for the small size of my monitor, but you know -- I'm starting to accept it. We each gotta be thankful for what God gave us, you know? And ... so I only have 14 inches ... that's no big deal. A lot of people don't know what you can do with something like that, if you know how to work it.

For instance, last night I was playing Tribes in 200x150 resolution. I betcha didn't know you could do that! I had to download special drivers -- actually, they're called "stallers" -- that allowed me to run the game like that. Something called "ClosedGL."

The nice thing is, at that resolution my crosshair fills the screen! Whatever I see I can hit, even if I can't neccessarily identify it. Of course, I can't really read the chat messages either, since each individual letter is three inches high. But that's okay, mostly they're just talking about some dude's mom.

And even though I feel a little bit shamed every time I go to a LAN party and my neighbor's speaker is bigger than my monitor, I'm starting to appreciate the benefits.

For instance, yesterday I carried this through the airport metal detector and it didn't even go off.

Also, not many people's gaming rigs can fit into their glove compartment. Next to the handgun I'm going to shoot myself with. OH GOD WHY ME? WHY!?

[Transcript ends abruptly amidst incoherent sobbing]