It's not like I never wanted a job, I do, I just don't like the idea of working, you know, in the sense of actually doing stuff on some sort of "schedule" with "bosses" or "stuff you have to do."

Mostly I just sit at home and play StarCraft. That's what I do.

But I heard about this whole, uh, 'Free Movie Passes' thing if you work at the Cinema-21 over at Palace Park. I think that would be cool, you know, if I didn't want to do anything that day I could say, "Free Pass, man" and watch a movie instead. Then I'd light one up.

Or, you know, that place is dark anyways. Who would know if I wasn't ... doing whatever movie people do ... since the lights would be off most of the time? I figured it was a good way to 'ease in' to the whole "working" dillio that my parents are always talking about.

But there's this whole deal where you have to interview the manager, or something. Like, they don't just GIVE you a job. I'm like, "Dude I'm ready to work, I'll start working now if you give me some cash or some passes or whatever," but I guess first they make you jump through hoops. It's a wonder ANYBODY ever works, what with them making it HARD.

The manager walks me around and first he's all talking about my experience (I say, "I love experiencing things") and work history (I skipped history to take straight English classes, word!) and -- man, I dunno, he was like, "Blah blah blah," telling me about the business of how a Theater works. I'm thinking, "Why would I need to know THAT?"

Then I think he was talking about how at 7 PM or on opening nights they get a huge rush. I think that's way cool, 'cuz I live for big rushes and stuff. And then he's showing me the snack counter, which I figured meant, "Take some JuJus dude" (so I did), and he says, "How would you handle a rush?"

I freeze up, but then I GET it, because he's trying to see if I got the nerves and the strategy. You know? He was asking me about rushes in StarCraft, 'cuz I handle that stuff EVERY DAY.

I say to him, "You gotta get some MARINES in the BUNKERS before the Zerglings come," and then I said, "POP!" like something popping, and hit my fist in my hand. Then I laughed, to show him I was all casual. And then I offered him some JuJus.

Yeah but the jerk didn't give me any work, he just told me to get lost. No WONDER me or my parents don't have jobs. That dude probably sucks and StarCraft. Not my problem, know what I'm saying? C'mon, let's LAN.

[Daily Victim idea submitted by GameSpy reader Ryne McCormick]