Aw man. Just look at you, dude. I knew I shouldn’t have given you that old copy of Harvest Moon.

Now look at you. What -- what is that? On the plate next to you? Are those the remains of some Ramen noodles? Oh man, did you even microwave those or did you just ... soak them? Nevermind, nevermind, I don’t want to know.

Last week when I gave you that old copy of Harvest Moon, I just wanted to introduce you to a classic. I mean, you can’t really claim to be a gamer unless you’ve played through some of the old greats. But this? This right here? Is SAD. That shirt you’re wearing used to be blue, didn’t it? I can’t tell, what with the stains and all.

I come down the stairs, and for the fifth day in a row the sun is dawning and you’re crumpled up into my beanbag fingering an empty bag of Doritos and mumbling about how it’s time to put the cows in the barn.

Those cows aren’t real, Jason. They’re fake, computer cows.

Now you’re baking a cake. You know, your character in the game eats better than you do. Oh, I see! The cake isn’t for you. It’s for the girl you want to make your wife. I gotcha, I gotcha.

You know, you have a real wife. Yes, yes you do. And she hasn’t seen you in a week. I’m just, you know, bringing this kind of stuff to your attention. That’s all.

Victim Pic Small

Okay, time to get up. Hm? No way. Up!

Well, I'll be damned. You really are stuck to that beanbag.

Score: 8.01; Total Votes: 2968 as of 2009-12-09.

I lost my job at the grocery store today for cranking up the difficulty on the checkout belt.

You guys, I’m serious. This big E3 tradeshow is our best and only chance to buy Vivendi!

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