Okay, while you're busy camping that Banderling nest, it's time you and I had a little heart-to-heart, roommate-to-roommate chat.

See, it's about this dorm room. Every night you're in here beating up Asheron's Call bunny rabbits. Ordinarily, that's fine -- it disrupts neither my studies nor my attempt to achieve the perfect season in Madden 2001.

However, occasionally I would like to bring a girl back here for what's typically referred to as "Nookie." I need my privacy, man. I'm like Ling Ling the Panda over here. I can't breed in public.

See this? It's a signed note from my doctor. I'm getting painful sperm retention headaches that are going to seriously impact my studies unless immediate action is taken.

But I've already worked out a plan! Here's the deal -- just leave the window open a crack. When I pull into the parking lot with a babe in the Jetta, I'll honk the horn to let you know the situation.

• 1 short honk: Likely just some lip-lock, but no reason to quit your game
• 2 short honks: I'm going to hit at least second base, odds are good, you probably have another hour to play
• 3 short honks: Save your game as soon as you can, and start playing this Sinatra tape before you leave
• 1 really really long honk: Dude I'll give you a hundred bucks to immediately shut off your computer and clear out PRONTO.

Do we have a deal? Look man, I got doctor's orders here. Oh, you can keep the yellow copy, but I need the pink copy to give to Becky Fisher.

[Victim idea submitted by GameSpy reader: Forrest.]