Yah, Steve? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I’m uncomfortable with the whole ‘Tingle’ thing.

Don’t get me wrong. I know I invited you to be Tingle in the first place. Some of the puzzles in Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker are hard, and having you standing by on the Game Boy to throw bombs or do the “hover in air” thingiee was gonna make things easier. But you’ve taken on the role far too seriously.

It started with the voice. The voice was a little crazy.

Then the confetti. Throwing the confetti. In my face. All the time. That got to be a little nerve-wracking, yah. Same with the “Fwoop!” noises.

I’d also like to talk about the costume. The costume has got to go.

But, you know what? I think the real issue here isn’t the voice or the costume or the makeup or how you’ve suspended yourself from my ceiling with a harness. The problem, as I see it, is that

You’re a terrible Tingle, Steve.

You yell things like “Oooppah!” and throw bombs at random intervals. You’ve blown me up no less than eight times. You drop me off of cliffs. You point me in the wrong directions. You throw confetti in my face whenever I try to fight the sword-guys. And you spend all my rupees. Giggling.

So, just put the Game Boy down. Put the Game Boy down and back ... away ... slowly ...

[To Be Continued...]