Uh huh. Check it. Look at me. Can you see it? No? HAH! It’s perfect. I’ve got a controller in my left boot, a network adaptor in my right. The PS2 itself is duct-taped to my back, with the cords and cables running down my arms and legs.

There’s a portable TV strapped to my head and tucked inside this hat. The pain in my neck is excruciating, but the PS2 strapped to my back is acting like a support belt and is helping me cope with the extra weight I’m carrying around.

The rivers of sweat pouring down my limbs are, of course, making the cords itch and chaff. That’s a small price to pay. I figure we can come in through the snow and ask to water the greenhouse plants. Then we’ll waddle out there and plug into the phone jack in the back of Mr. Henderson’s science lab. Does that sound good to you guys?

You gotta speak up. I can’t hear a thing through these muffs. The abject spinal pain has settled into a sort of dull numbing feeling from the waist down as well as a ringing in my ears. In fact, I think I’m about to pass out. Maybe you guys can carry me to school? I can’t walk.

When it comes time to peel the PS2 off my back, do it quick, okay?