Maybe you’re just jealous because I scored the real thing. For years now I’ve been collecting rare and unusual lewt from online RPGs. Some of it I can trade for in-game, but of course, I score the real treasures from eBay. This past weekend there was a huge auction of rares and weird stuff.

Like these leather gauntlets? Sure, they look like newbie armor to you. Well, they are newbie armor. But they were once worn by Clint Eastwood’s Character. Yeah, it’s true. I didn’t even KNOW he played games online -- well, not until I got these in an eBay auction for only $130 bucks. THAT’s what I’m talking about!

What do you mean, “How do I know?” Well, because they came with a handwritten note: “These were mine and I’m Clint Eastwood.” You don’t think I’m stupid, do ya?

Allow me to show you some of my other treasures. This shield was once a gift from the Egyptian Consulate to a Korean princess. And this helmet? Is haunted. It’s true! Now, the undead spirit who inhabits it hasn’t actually private-messaged me any, but I’m sure he will. This here note assures me that the helmet is, indeed haunted.

Come to think of it, this looks like Clint Eastwood’s handwriting.

Whoa, wait a second ... dude ... dude it’s all clear to me now. Sweet mother, why didn’t I se this before? I paid like $300 bucks for that helmet. I can’t believe I didn’t see the truth.

It’s haunted by Clint Eastwood.