I’m just too nice for all of these ‘Open Ended’ RPGs.

Hello, my name’s Kevin. I’ve been roleplaying for most of my life, which is how I found the address of this support group, stapled crookedly to the moist bulletin board just inside the entrance to Skeeve’s Gaming and Card Collectables shop.

[Hi, Kevin!]

You see, the problem I have is that I find it difficult to roleplay a mean person. I guess I’m just what you’d call a naturally nice, sensitive guy. For instance, take that new Divine Divinity game. It’s totally open season on there. So, I decide to play a character who’s a real dick. In fact, that’s what I named him. “Dick.” He was a thief.

[Groans of understanding.]

But the spirit is willing where the penile drive is weak! I just couldn’t bring myself to be a jerk. When the innkeeper who rescued me said I was free to use any of his provisions, I just couldn’t force myself to slit his throat, hang his body in the closet, and sell all of his china. Instead, I thanked him. And I gave him a pair of boots.

[Rumbles of ascension.]

Later I told the town mayor I’d rescue some children. And I did. Dick just can’t be a jerk! He’s flaccid!

[Everyone talks at once.]

Well, sure. Yeah, I pen and paper roleplay, as well. Okay, I’ll join the group. My favorite character is a level 13 Bard. Yeah, he’s got a +5 Shadow Dagger. Sure, you can borrow it. You’ll give it back, though, right? Right?

Victim Pic Small

Ah, look! It's the town mayor. I'll ask him what happened to the missing orphans. Oh -- yeah, you're right, it might be scary to approach him in full armor. Could you hold it for me?

Score: 7.58; Total Votes: 2063 as of 2009-12-09.

MY New Year’s Resolution revolves around the cheese-grating-like decimation of you, and all your stupid Elves!

I have an urgent decision to undertake with regards to Mario Party and the mattress outside

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