Hello, my name’s Kevin. I’ve been roleplaying for most of my life, which is how I found the address of this support group, stapled crookedly to the moist bulletin board just inside the entrance to Skeeve’s Gaming and Card Collectables shop.

[Hi, Kevin!]

You see, the problem I have is that I find it difficult to roleplay a mean person. I guess I’m just what you’d call a naturally nice, sensitive guy. For instance, take that new Divine Divinity game. It’s totally open season on there. So, I decide to play a character who’s a real dick. In fact, that’s what I named him. “Dick.” He was a thief.

[Groans of understanding.]

But the spirit is willing where the penile drive is weak! I just couldn’t bring myself to be a jerk. When the innkeeper who rescued me said I was free to use any of his provisions, I just couldn’t force myself to slit his throat, hang his body in the closet, and sell all of his china. Instead, I thanked him. And I gave him a pair of boots.

[Rumbles of ascension.]

Later I told the town mayor I’d rescue some children. And I did. Dick just can’t be a jerk! He’s flaccid!

[Everyone talks at once.]

Well, sure. Yeah, I pen and paper roleplay, as well. Okay, I’ll join the group. My favorite character is a level 13 Bard. Yeah, he’s got a +5 Shadow Dagger. Sure, you can borrow it. You’ll give it back, though, right? Right?