Hey so do you guys want another pitcher? Okay. Last call in twenty.

I couldn’t help but overhear, though. You guys act like the perfect videogame isn’t out there. How do you know? I mean, like the feller in the sweater here says, in theory once you found the perfect game you would stop answering your phone, never leave the house, etc. There would be a scattered unexplainable epidemic of corpses found in front of PCs weeks later by their stench alone, grins frozen on their rigamortized faces.

Oh yah. That’s some scary scary stuff.

Now, I’m not one to gossip, but I think that game is already out there. I’ll tell you why. I was hanging out in a Medieval: Total War forum, and somebody says that the game Europa Universalis II was supposed to be good. So another guy says he mail-ordered it. That was weeks ago -- I haven’t heard from the guy since.

So I looked up the review on my favorite website. It got five out of five stars. The reviewer said he could hardly tear himself away and now that he had mastered the basics, he was excited to dive back in and keep playing. That was the last review he posted.

I came to realize I was staring death in the face. I looked up Europa Universalis II forums all over the Internet, and it was the same thing in each. They were all empty, save for a few posts from people saying, “Hey I just got this game, any pointers?” Then silence as they, too disappeared.

Oh yes, friends. It’s out there. I fear it. I really do. And yet, I’m drawn to it, like a bug light. I’m thinking of ordering it online, but first I want to get my affairs in order, you know, before I go. But, enough about me. How about you guys?

What’s that you say? Cancel the pitcher? You just want shots of something strong, really strong? I understand, boys. Coming right up.