Hey there, step lightly. This whole yard is covered by about six inches of mud right now. Why? Because I’ve been waiting for months and I still don’t have a copy of Super Mario Sunshine. It’s time to take matters into my own hands -- or, at the very least -- to strap them to my head.

Here, have some chalk. Go ahead, graffiti up that tree. Done? What’s that supposed to be, a turkey? Oh, it’s a moose. I guess those are antlers. No matter, watch what I can do with this baby: WAAA-TAAAHHH!!

Yah, haha! Sheared the leaves right off. Some of the bark, too. Uh, I hope that tree lives. No matter, the point is, your shameless graffiti is gone! We live in a cleaner, happier neighborhood because of my timely intervention. Hang on, look! The neighbor’s dog! For some reason the poor beast is covered in mud. I can fix that -- WAAA-TAAAHH!!

Whoa, flung that lil’ pup all the way across the yard like a wet, furry rocket. Looks like he splashed some mud onto the fence. I can clear that right up -- WAAA-TAAH! Damn, those fenceposts are pulling free like pins in a bowling alley. Oops. I think I just put one through the window. Ah, the wet, muddy dog is using the broken fencepost as a ramp and he’s fleeing into the neighbor’s living room in terror.

Hmm. I hear things being broken inside. Well, help me carry the hose, here. It looks like I’ll have to go in and clean that place up.