I worry about the influence of Grand Theft Auto, but not because of the language or violence

No, I worry because my little brother is outside with his friends and they’re taking turns “jacking” his little red wagon. Look at them out there. It looks like a cross between the TV show Cops, school recess, and an episode of “Jackass.”

This is what I get for letting him play an “M” rated game. What are we teaching the youth of Ameri-- oh, wait. Now they’re playing a different game. It looks like my brother’s got the firehose, he’s inviting his friend to sit in the back -- awwww! Isn’t that sweet? They’re going to play “Fireman,” which you can also do in Grand Theft Auto. Well, I take back what I said, that’s some good wholesome fun.

Hang on ... hold up ... they’re not playing Fireman with that hose. He’s ... practicing his drive-by technique? Well, I’d put a stop to it, except he’s got a hose and I’m wearing a new wool sweater.

Now, where did his little friend Timmy go? Oh, there he is, by the garage. HE’S GOT A CHAINSAW! ... and since when did Timmy learn to speak Cuban? Well, I’d better put a stop to this. Do me a favor and distract my brother while I make a run for the garage. Oh, and if he pulls up next to you in the wagon and says, “Hop in, baby!” ... don’t get in.

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Why don't you guys play Doctor? Pretend the red wagon is an ambulance. No ... no, don't JACK the Ambulance. Oh nevermind.

Score: 7.76; Total Votes: 2597 as of 2009-12-09.

Nobody wants to get it on with the Fat Undead Guy from Doom III.

When it comes to Team-Killing, I’m a conscientious objector.

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