Hey man, it’s me again. Remember last week when my wife and I used The Sims to see if we were ready to get a cat? Bad idea.

See, my wife got it into her head that we should use The Sims to make all of our life’s decisions. That was cool when we used it to pick the wallpaper and the new couch. But then she decided to see if we’re ready to have kids. At first it was all good, and she and I took turns taking care of the on-screen baby. Then one day she got up from the computer to take the clothes out of the drier and yelled for me to watch the kid, but I didn’t hear her because I was brushing my teeth with one of them whack-o motorized toothbrush thingies (don’t ask. Okay, fine ask. Yeah, they work, they’re really cool.) Where was I? Oh, yah, well anyways, without either of us watching the PC, our little Sims both went off to work and sure enough the little digital child services officer came by and took our tiny computer baby away.

My wife was inconsolable. She sobbed into her pillow. “We’re such bad parents!” she wailed.

“We’re not bad parents!” I comforted, rubbing her back. “We’re not even … parents!”

It didn’t fly, though. Now I have to get rid of my toothbrush, “for the sake of our unborn children.” At least our wallpaper matches, though.