Wow, that was a nice kick, man. Had I been paying any attention to what I was doing with my goalie, I woulda moved up to block it. As it is, I’m still trying to figure out if the “X” button passes or shoots. Dammit, this pansy game isn’t what I think of when I think of Football! Er, sorry, “Soccer.”

No sir, first of all, back where I come from, a good game of football starts with a trip to the pub. And none of that watered-down toilet water, either ... we drink stuff that’ll curl your nuts. And then we chunk down chips with malt vinegar. Only once we’re sicky and barfy does someone suggest we kick the ball around, and we do it out in a parking lot surrounded by broken glass and barbed wire fences. In the morning half of us are dead and the other half can’t remember a damn thing.

Okay, so how do I throw the ball in again? The “X” button? Okay, you know what? Bollocks to this. I’m gonna go tip over a cop car.