I don’t know much about world history, but what I do know I learned from playing Civilization III. For instance: A large part of why the Roman Empire fell was due to the Aztecs discovering gunpowder and the steam engine. ‘strue!

But the one man I fear more than any other is the most dreaded cutthroat barbarian the world has ever seen: Mahatma Ghandi. He, my friend, is the conqueror of men! I should look this guy up and maybe learn a little from his true story, but lemme tell you, in the game I’m playing now? I quaked with fear when I saw him overrun the British homeland using war chariots, enslaving their people. WILL HIS CRUEL REIGN OF TERROR NEVER END?

As we enter the modern error I find myself face-to-face with this hardened war criminal. He’s threatening us and demanding that we teach him Atomic Theory. Ghandi! Emperor of the Indians! Atomic Theory? I can only imagine what that war-crazed bloodthirsty madman will do once he has his hands on that terrible knowledge!

I’ve got to put my foot down. No, Ghandi, no! Your jackbooted reign of fury ends here! I’m going to bring my best troops out to guard our borders. I’ll fight you off the same way Abraham Lincoln fought off the Chinese, thus ensuring his place in history! Step off, Ghandi! I mean it.

[Based on a forum post by Dr. Sarcasm]