C’mere and check this out. Yeah, I play The Sims, so sue me. It’s fun. I think I’ve spent about six grand on the expansion packs, all 30 of ‘em. But get a load of this guy -- Mortimer Goth. He’s been in my neighborhood since the original game came out. See him? Here he comes, into my little Sim house.

Okay, given: Mortimer is pretty creepy to begin with. He has a job as a test subject at the lab. And, like all Sims, he speaks in “Simlish,” so that he sounds like the cafeteria lady at the YMCA. I’ll grant you that. But watch ... watch him ... there he goes!

He’s pulling out his sock puppet!

Okay, hah hah Mortimer, great job with Mr. Fuzzles, there. We all had a big laugh. Now, can we try to sit down and have a nice dinner, maybe talk about airplanes or peace signs?

Look, there he goes AGAIN! Again with the sock puppet! Mortimer, you realize there are other ways to communicate with people, right? There are other channels for getting your message across. We need some kind of Sock Puppet Intervention. C’mere Mortimer. No, put Mr. Fuzzles down. Sit on the couch here. We think you have a problem. You don’t need a sock puppet to escape reality, Mortimer. Come join the rest of us in the real world! Everything’s gonna be ohhh-kay.

Dude, can you believe this guy? ...dude? Where’d you go? Oh ... There’s nobody here. I’ve been sitting here alone ... talking to The Sims. Again. ... hmm. Yes, yes I have.