My monkey-ball rolled off the ramp, and I opened its wings with perfect timing. I got ten bananas on the way in. Then I got three stars, meaning I’d quadruple my score when I landed. I circled over the target, then went into a stall on purpose to lose enough speed.

Below me, I saw Joey score a double-500. That put him in the lead. I was going to ease ‘er down next to him when I saw Craig land the triple-750! Suddenly, the pressure was on. I had to score BIG. I whipped the joystick over and tried to adjust my flight path -- I dinked off of Joey’s ball, rolled right at Craig ... and then slid off the target onto the water.

“MOTHERS IN HELL!” I screamed as my monkey drowned on the screen. Then, I discovered a crucial design flaw with the WaveBird, in that it could be chucked great distances without a cord to reel it in.

I hurled it to the ground, underestimating the glancing bounce it would take off of the recliner. It whirled, boomerang-like, out the window ... down the embankment ... across the street ... and into a huge pile of leaves by the gutter.

The leaf-cleaning truck is only two blocks away. C’MON GUYS! Stop pansying around! Get those rakes moving before it’s too late!