Just give the ball to me, wee man!

The new Unreal Tournament 2003 Demo allows me to demonstrate to the world what TeamFortress SpazBall players have known since 1998: I am a MONSTER on the court! My insane dribbling puts the fear of God into man woman and child alike. Before me echoes a cacophony of fire and pain, and in my wake naught is heard but weeping.

Just give the ball to me and your powers of observation will be rewarded with a demonstration of skillz so outrageous, so perverse, that they are technically legal only in Nevada.

Watch as I sidestep, instagib, and adrenal move my way across the court. Note my opponent! See how he falls before my smiting blow! Note how the real Unreal physics cause his body to crumple to its knees then remain motionless as if to say a morbid prayer to me from the afterlife. If only you had shown such respect early on, tinyman, I may have spared your miserable obstacle of a life.

What’s my secret strategy? I’ll let you in on a secret: I run towards the goal. Few possess my cunning.