Uh, okay, quiet. Here's how the ritual goes. You know my mom is asleep 'cuz you can hear the leg twitch from all the way down here. Oh Dad? No worries, man, he's out by the time Leno's monologue is over. Let's roll.

The steps squeak, so you gotta walk down the inside of the first five steps, the step over to the outside and walk on your heels down the rest of the way. Light steps! Shh! Shh!

Okay, now we're in the den. First, we close the door. Click! Shh! Okay, the reason we're wearing socks is to pad quietly across the floor here, as you can see, I've used reflective fluorescent tape to mark all of the floor tiles that squeak, even in the dark. Walk carefully. It's like that scene from the third Indiana Jones movie. Quiet ... quiet.

Okay, now for the toughest part. The dial up modem. What I've found is we muffle the whole CPU with a pillow like so. Then, I'm going to sit on it, and wrap this blanket around myself. You click the connect button. Ready? Okay, go! ShHHHHHhhHHhhhhhh......

Are we online? We're in! I don't think they heard a thing. This is great, now we can play games all night. Make sure the volume on the speakers is all the way down. Now, let's log into some Unreal Tournament. I'll go first.

I GOT DEE BITCHES!! DOUBLE KILL! WOOOohHHOOOOOO!!
[Slams fist on desktop]