Attention attention! Listen up, people. Because our entire upper-level administrative staff is at an off-site meeting today, according to the spaghetti-like organizational chart, I'm in charge of things for the duration. I'm glad to see you're all here on time. Thank you. Now, let's all move forward with my special plan that I've drawn up for just such an occasion.

Stevenson, Talmudge, you guys start spinning the tunes. Ray, Hartman, Milkovich, I need you guys to take down every non-essential company server and replace 'em with Unreal Tournament and Day of Defeat servers. Rowlings, you're in charge of taking orders and using the petty cash fund to buy us all copies of WarCraft III. Richards? Call in the strippers -- remember, we need both male and female strippers because I don't want to be responsible for any sexual harassment lawsuits.

What's that, Hartman? What do you call this? This is an email server, Hartman. I said to take down NON-ESSENTIAL servers. Do you REALLY think any of us our going to be CHECKING OUR EMAIL when Randy's setting up a bootleg movie server? I've a mind to fire you, but you mix a mean margarita, so get to it.

If you'll excuse me, the gang from accounting has turned the side of the rear stairway into a Velcro wall and as you can see by my getup, I GET FIRST DIBS. Let's make this day count, people!