I tried to dial the WarCraft III tips line, but then things got raunchy

Hi, you've reached the LOVE hotline, where hot horny women are ready for you*. You must be 18 or older to call...*

Uhhh -- hello? Hello? This is Jason -- is this not the WarCraft III tips hotline?

The ride of your life is only $.79 cents a minute! For Naughty Nurses, press "1." For Barely legal teens, press "2." For hot lesbian action, press "3." For crazy co-ed cheerleaders, press "4."

Wow, I must've dialed the wrong number. Whoa, hang on -- did you say $.79 cents a minute? Damn! You guys are like twenty cents cheaper than the WarCraft III tip line. That'll do. Uh, hook me up with some lesbians. *Beep*

You've selected ... HOT LESBIAN ACTION ... please wait while our operators rub themselves in oil and we connect your call.

I'm so glad I don't live with my parents anymore.

Candy: Hiiii! I'm Candy!

Sandie: And I'm Sandie, with an I and an E.

Candy: We're your HOT Lesbian LOVERS.

Hi, I'm Jason, I'm your mealticket. How could you girls both be lesbians, AND be my lovers? Uh, nevermind. Hey, actually I'm calling for help with a game of WarCraft III. I don't suppose either of you have ever heard of it?

Candy: WarCraft III! *giggles*

Sandie: Jason, are you trying to say you like computer games? {% end %]

Well, actually it's a pretty stimulating hobby.

{% css_class(class='candy') %} Candy: Sandie's just teasing you. We love WarCraft III. We've been playing it every since we got tired of Medal of Honor.

Sandie: I like Orcs.

Whoa, slow down. You girls play WarCraft III? Both of you? At the same time?

Candy: Yeah. Geez, we sit around all day in front of a computer waiting for horny guys to call. What are we supposed to do?

Sandie: Jason honey, you can only play Windows Solitaire for so long.

Candy: And let me tell you another thing. Those Barely Legal Teens that share the other cubicle, some of which are in their 40s? They play dirty as the undead.

Sandie: *shouting* You heard her, bitches!

I just called a warehouse full of sex women who play WarCraft all day? Hang on, I gotta sit down ... maybe take a pill or something ...

Sandie: Breathe into a bag, Jason.

Candy: Aww, is little Jason having trouble with multiplayer? You poor, poor thing. Let Sandie and I help.

Sandie: Spill it, sexy man.

I'm playing as the humans, and these Night Elves keep attacking my base with Priestesses and Chimaeras.

Sandie: Ohh, they like it rough.

Candy: Build me a Gryphon Aviary, Jason.

Okay, I'm building one...

Candy: Build it faster Jason ... oohhh ... ohh... Faster ... FASTER!!

Oh wait, they just attacked my base with a couple Centaurs!

Sandie: Take it slow, Jason. I want you to grab your knights and then right-click on the Centaurs, oh baby, just like that. You have good hands. Now click on them!

I'm clicking!

Sandie: Click harder! HARDER!!

Candy: Do you have my Aviary yet, Jason?

Uh, it's coming --


.Okay, it's making Gryphons --

Sandie: *Moans*

Candy: Oh yes, yes, attack the Chimaeras!

Sandie: Slap the Night Elf Priestess, Jason! Slap her hard, oh! Oh yes Jason!

Oh baby -- yeah! OH YEAH!!

Candy: *Slamming hands on desk* Oh YES! YE-EESSS!

Should I attack their base?

Sandie: Take it Jason! Take it! *pants*

I'm giving it everything I have!


Sandie: Don't stop -- oh! OHH!

Candy: *Some sort of soft gurgling noise*

Wow, that was incredible.

Sandie: Call us back when you're ready to take on two opponents at once.

Uhm, I dunno if I'm that kind of guy.

Candy: Wuss.

Victim Pic Small

Wow. Geez. That was pretty intense. Should I call Jenny from the WarCraft III tip line and tell her I've been cheating on her?

Score: 9.13; Total Votes: 6214 as of 2009-12-09.

Extra! Extra! Read all about it! U.S. President Declares War on Camping!

The 200 pound mouse has done wonders for my upper body strength

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