No man, leave it alone! It didn't ask for this kind of treatment! It's an American GameCube. It's all American. It's a patriot. It was meant to play American games. It's the barbecue rib-eating pro-football watchin' light-beer drinkin' U.S. of M.F'in.A. allegiance-pledgin' all-American GameCube! It doesn't want to play Japanese versions of games. That's why they're Japanese and it's ... American!

How would you like it if someone opened you up -- using special tools -- and then put a switch on your butt that would make you suddenly speak nothing but Japanese? Would you like that? Hunh? Would you?

Hang on, actually, that switch-on-the-butt thing would be pretty cool. You could sit down to watch anime and then "click" suddenly you'd understand what everyone was saying. Er, wait, it would have problems, though. Like, what if you were making out with some chick, and then she started getting hot and heavy, but she bumped the switch and you were like "Domo Arigato Molaka eye waddy-wah obidiah oh, eh? KANEDA!" and she would freak out and throw water on you. Yeah, yeah, THAT's what I'm saying. You want to put our GameCube through THAT?

Oh -- put the soldering iron down -- oh man, if hardware could scream, I'd have to cover my ears, too.