Hello, Internet users. My role in the CIA Black Ops Division gives me a unique top-level perspective on situations that the American public at large has no fluency with. Recently a unique phenomena has come to our attention. Aliens have begun to make extensive use of our electronics network. Yes. From their cloaked orbiting dreadnaughts they've been able to join our Internet online games. Please, do not be alarmed. Merely be aware that the people you play games against may not, in fact, be human. Here are some red flags to look out for:

• Extraterrestrials have been known to join teamplay servers only to kill members of the team they're on. These people are aliens.
• In online roleplaying games, important items will occasionally spawn at long intervals. Players will frequently wait up to sixteen ours or more in line in order to get such an item. No human being would willingly submit himself to such tedium. You must be playing with aliens.
• Internet messageboards are frequently populated by extraterrestrials. Lacking a basic grasp of mammalian communication, they will often do things like go into an Xbox fan group and talk about how much Xbox sucks. They prefer to use guest accounts and lots of exclamation points. Yes. they're aliens.
• Many games you know enjoy come from a place called "Canada."
• Have you ever been playing Tribes II and you find that someone set up a group of sentry guns off behind your base facing in useless directions? That's right. They were placed by aliens.
• Along those lines, aliens will frequently commandeer large vehicles and then run over their teammates. They can't help it. They're aliens.
• Anyone who claims absolute fluency with the Neverwinter Nights editor is clearly from Pluto.

Again, don't be alarmed. Just be wary. Knowing is three quarters of the battle.