YOU! Don't shirk away from me. You know it's time. They've built the world's largest Yoda in California, and we would be remiss not to make the pilgrimage.

Stop packing food! Though the road be long, the spirit of Yoda and the kindness of fellow Jedi will provide our only sustenance. The giant Yoda stands over 13 feet tall, a living oxymoron with a light saber. Pack none of your personal possessions save for a small offering! The giant Yoda is constructed entirely of LEGO blocks -- it's like some sort of glowing geek fantasy erected on our western shores!

Terrify children for ages, he will.

Get your keys. Jeff and Aaron are already waiting in your car with a supply of plastic light sabers. Oh, and bring the condoms -- you know, uh, just in case.