Hunh? Speak up! The screeching you hear is the horrifying discordant wail of four Jigglypuffs howling their miserable song. See, I thought it would be a good idea to let all my nieces and nephews play with my Nintendo GameCube while they stayed with me for the week, and so far all they've mastered are four-way Jigglypuff fights in Smash Bros.

Say again? No, you gotta really wail man, I can't hear a thing. If it's not the howling horror of Jigglypuff screeching his song, it's them between matches screaming about who gets to be the Jigglypuff wearing the green headband. They call him RamPuff.

Can you hear it over the phone? Let me tell you, from here the sound in my living room is like four full-sized jet engines warming up, except the intakes are sucking in whipped cream and stringed instruments instead of air.