To fully unlock the mysteries of the Harry Potter DVD, we had to call in Percy

I'm ashamed to admit it, but my husband and I couldn't unlock the special features of the Harry Potter DVD. See, they were hidden behind all of these special "mini-games" where you had to mix potions or outwit the three headed dog and stuff. Unreal. Now look, my husband and I aren't gamers. Sure, we bust out with the insane Windows Solitaire now and again, but only after we loosen up with a few wine coolers.

So we were forced to call upon one of the neighborhood kids: Percy. The dark circles around Percy's eyes give him a frightening demeanor but there's nobody better when you need a game to be solved. "Percy," I told him. "I'll give you a dollar if you unlock the special features on the Harry Potter DVD for me."

He came back later that day with a broom. He turned off all the lights in the living room and lit candles instead. He said he needed absolute silence to do his work.

I'm not really sure what's involved in those little DVD mini-games, but Percy is still in our house. It's been a week and a half. Every so often he asks for food. My husband and I tiptoe around at night, afraid to disturb him. I've thought about asking him to leave, but I probably should've done that during the first couple of days. You know, now that it's been over a week, it would be awkward.

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SHHH! If you're very quiet, you can peek through the keyhole and watch Percy at work. Hang on. Wait a second. He's watching porno!

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