Thanks to a catastrophic miscalculation regarding daylight savings time, our 60-minute clan match lasted approximately 13.6 seconds.
It's always tricky arranging those international clan matches. In order to play those guys from the Iceland, we had to burn the midnight oil and prepare for a 2AM match. And that's the problem. See, here in the 'States we have what's known as "Daylight Saving Time," a device invented by Benjamin Franklin to torture and confuse people in the event that the Imperial system of measurement didn't do the trick. Every Spring you set your clocks forward one hour.
So, after doing the Dew for hour on end to keep ourselves awake, I announced that the server was ready and we all jumped on. The match would last until 3:00 AM at which point a script I'd written would automatically shut down the server and spit out the winner. We all took up positions in our respective bases and once the teams were all online the game started. 3...2...1... FIGHT!
I was in the flag room. I started to back toward the rocket launcher. Meanwhile, Joey rushed forward to take the bridge. I guess one of the Icelanders had spawned in the sniper room of his base -- he grabbed a rifle, looked out the window, and pegged Joey seconds after the match began.
Then the match ended, before Joey's body had even hit the ground. The score was 1-0. The dudes from Iceland began wooping and celebrating on the screen in a language we didn't understand, drowning out my effort to explain what happened.
Afterwards in the chat room we tried to tell them that every Spring the United States changes all its clocks. They refused to believe a whole country could be duped into doing something so crazy.
I've had it up to here with Iceland. And clocks. And Benjamin Franklin.
Score: 7.63; Total Votes: 1887 as of 2009-12-09.