It is man’s ultimate ambition to achieve perfect balance in life, in love, and in Tony Hawk

For centuries man has yearned to touch the infinite, to achieve a harmony with the cosmos and – barring that – a 900 mctwist. My own journey has been long and fraught with faceplants. But I have come to a special place, between the lip and the bottom of the bowl, where man and universe become one. It is here that man finds a fortress against external pain, where the cosmos is clay in his hands. And what more does any man want, but to achieve karmic balance? Emotional balance? Perfect balance on a rail? Here, then, is the secret to happiness, little one. You must think always of the world and not yourself. You must refrain from longings that do nothing to better yourself. And, you must just totally BUST a PHAT grind coming off of the platform and go AGGRO with a 360 and an airwalk. That is dope, my child. Dope.

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It helps to have cheat codes, too.

Score: 5.84; Total Votes: 1262 as of 2009-12-09.

My NEW Empire Earth scenario is more than unbeatable ... it's divinely inspired

Removal of this PS2 controller will require a licensed OBGYN

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