Not only is "State of Emergency" rated as a "Mature" game, but it's got a stickah on the box that says "Warning: Check ID." It might as well say "Keep away from Kip." I've tried eight stores and none of them let me buy the wares, even when I tried to sandwich it in between two Freddi Fish games.

This is discrimination-ization against us 11 year olds! The Man is openly dissing my ability to front. At stake is my supposed inability to throw down.

Look, it's not like I'm some first-grader who doesn't know the difference between an uzi and an AK. I gots what you'd call ... PHAT gats, yo. Maybe the Man is worried that little Kippy might start a riot at the local mall, just because a game taught me how. That's crazy. I like the mall, and wouldn't want to damage them bitchin' horsies outside of Whattapretzel.

Instead, I would apply my newfound riot-starting skillz to places where it would benefit my fellow bruthas. Such as the playground. Or Billy Wendal's house. 'Cuz he's a jerkface. You people act like I've got no sense of reality! But look at me! I dressed myself. These chains be gold-colored plastic from that vending machine outside of Fatburger. You know how long a man has to hold down a papah-route to be bustin out the mad jewelz like these? DAYS, boy-ee. I've proven myself as a mature, responsible gangsta. I just wants me some State of Emergency. Is that so wrong?

I will cut you.